This song made me mad

Maybe I should've written this in 2006

You know how sometimes you’ve heard a song a million times, and then suddenly, you hear a lyric and it fucking BUGS you?

I don’t seek out John Mayer songs. Before this morning, I hardly ever thought of him. Sure, he’d come on the radio and I’d go, fine, I guess, or I’d see him on a late night show and go huh, very punchable face, boring music, whatever.

BUT TODAY, Mr. Mayer interrupted my zen. I was lying on my yoga mat (not really yoga-ing as much as laying there trying to keep my eyes closed so I couldn’t see how messy my house is), listening to “Happy Morning Yoga!” on spotify when the song came on.

The vibe of me doing yoga

For a person who uses so many metaphors, I can be more literal than a man reading a single page of the bible out of context. Last week I was spun out by a jar of pasta sauce containing the words “MADE WITH REAL INGREDIENTS”. Real…. ingredients?????? By that definition, this pasta sauce could be full of styrofoam and the concept of time, all of which are techically real insofar as we have words for them and can percieve them in reality. I mean, what is real anyway???? And an ingredient is just something in something else. You and I are real ingredients in the soup of life, y’know???

Anyways, the point is, when Mr. Mayer came on, his lyrics were meeting the ears of someone who is at least a little bit not-fun-at-parties: Moi.

As I tried to muster up a happy baby or even a corpse pose, he crooned:

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

and oh boy, my gears began to GRIND. First problem. Who is this rich guy to whine about being misunderstood??? I mean, Your Body is a Wonderland is not exactly an Angelou-level turn of phrase. We understand you fine, sir. My curiosity about who could possibly be in his also-misunderstood friend group was interrupted by-

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

I can close my eyes and imagine a white woman in Michigan singing this while driving straight past a voting booth. And look, I get it. I exist in the world. I have been paying attention to the news lately. I understand how tempting it is to just…wait. To find ourselves powerless, to ignore how even our tiniest actions can ripple outwards into the world we wish to create. As I hopped onto the soapbox in my own mind, shaking my fist at the idea that change is something that happens without human action, Mayer warbled:

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance

And that’s when I went off the deep end. It’s just a song, the voices in my head reminded me, but my inner shrill pedant was INCENSED. John Mayer is not standing at a distance from anything except fucking common sense. How do you whine into a song that will be delivered to billions of people’s ears that you have no influence?

Now! I know this is a very high bar to hold a man to who once told Playboy Magazine that his PENIS!!! was a WHITE SUPREMACIST!!!!!!!! Obviously he has the mental acuity of a dead flea in a bucket of shit.

But ideas are contagious! Especially when set to song!! Waiting on the world to change is a beyond-useless contributuion to the cannon of music about the world’s problems. But I am not just a person who complains! I have an alt!!!! So, to reward you for getting this far into one woman’s literalism, I made you a spotify playlist featuring songs that actually feel like revolution to me. Here’s a few highlights:

1. Jansports by Hobo Johnson - A brand new song that could legit make me cry about packing boxes in an Amazon factory, includes the lyrics “I saw my self-worth as a tasks I was offered, But your self-worth is much different than your market”

2. British Bombs by Declan McKenna- a 2019 banger about imperialism and resource wars. “It's a good old fashioned landslide, Killing with your hands tied, In the homemade rope”

3. It’s a Good Day To Fight The System by Shungudzo feat Joy Oladokun - I mean, this is self explanatory

4. I am by Emahee - embraces the radical self-acceptance that I think people are seeking in Mayer’s song

5. The Heart is A Muscle by Gang of Youths- “I will not spend the years depleted of my willingness to try. It won’t hurt this way forever, it ain’t worth the overtime”

You can get the full playlist here.