Fire Dispatch
What it's like to be "fine" in LA right now.
The best way I can describe my experience with the LA fires is that it feels eerily like the first days of the pandemic.
-We’re stuck inside because there’s dangerous, invisible, unknowable particulate in the air.
-We’re desperately clinging to first responder heroes.
-My news feed is full of tragedy. It’s impossible to look away.
-Many people we know have lost everything. More still have been forced to evacuate or lost water or power.
-When we went to the grocery store, all of the fridges and freezers were bare. Not from overbuying, but because the power outages forced them to throw all the food away.
-Nobody can sleep because the danger is constantly changing. Twice a false emergency alert telling the entire city to evacuate (which would be impossible gridlock mass panic) has gone out. It took ten minutes to correct the first one. The second one happened at 4am.
-People should be wearing masks, but almost nobody is wearing masks!!!! I am so worried for their lungs! I gave my neighbors masks, and they wore them for one day and then promptly gave up.
-We don’t know what we can trust. Instead of wiping down groceries, it’s should we boil water? Can we breathe the air? Who has power right now?
-We’re trying to stay out of the way so people who need resources more can get to them.
-Everyone is constantly texting to see if each other are okay, but it still feels isolated and alone.
-Everyone is banding together, desperate to help, with a bubbling undercurrent of rage and blame.
-Right wingers are already trying to use this as an excuse to take even more from vulnerable people.
-No matter how much the world burns, the people who work at Ralph’s and Starbucks and Amazon go to work every day. Service workers get no breaks.
-I feel like I should wash everything (are the fire chemicals in my hair???) but also like I should conserve water.
-I have no idea when it’s going to end, or what the world will look like when it does.
There’s all this misinformation I’m dying to correct- no, this hasn’t just affected rich people, no, there hasn’t been widespread crime especially considering our population size, yes our firefighters need a higher budget, but most of all…
This is an unprecedented, honestly previously unimaginable disaster. It hasn’t rained in months. January is normally a rainy season, NOT a fire season. You might remember that two Januaries ago we lost our old apartment due to torrential flooding the city was not prepared for.
The city is not prepared for climate change. Neither is the world. This is not just an “LA” problem. It is not a blue state problem. It is all of our problem, raining ash upon my roof. One day, it will rain ash or snow upon yours. But these winds were crazy. I’ve only seen something like it in LA once, during the “HurriQuake” on my 31st birthday. And at least then it rained. Now, we have no rain and no rain in sight. The streets are covered in debris, like we had a tornado. The shingles came off our roof. Somebody’s Christmas tree rolled into our front yard.
These fires have pushed deeper into urban Los Angeles than any of us have ever seen in our lifetimes. Yes, houses on the fringe of the city have always burned. But downtown Altadena? Never.
There are the obvious losses: homes, lives, The Bunny Museum. But there are and will be for months less reportable losses. I heard of a UPS driver who was summarily fired because his route- the palisades- simply no longer exists. Nursing homes and group homes burned down, losing jobs for their workers and valuable routines and sense of security for their residents. Already we can see the creeping hand of capital tightening its neck around our city’s recovery as landlords raise rents, Billionaire developers like Shithead Rick Caruso begin shadow mayoral campaigns while hiring private firefighters to defend malls, companies offer help with asterisks (like… U-Haul is offering 1 free month of storage! Sounds nice but will certainly help their business when people have nowhere else to put that stuff and they start charging in 2 months!!! Airbnb offers a limited amount of free rentals without acknowledging how they have gutted working class housing in the city… I could go on)
It feels weird to talk about how it’s affecting me because I’m so lucky. We live in an area with a separate water system, we don’t own a house, our apartment feels “safe”, we have an air purifier running.
We’re sheltering in place. We are miles from the fires, in the middle of both (and at one point all four!) Twice so far they’ve crept closer and closer, and we’ve watched them crest over hillsides we know and love. The song “I love LA” is everywhere, even in my dreams. It’s funny how much loss reminds you of love. I love LA becuase almost everyone here came to this city for a dream. Whether an immigrant searching for a better life, or an artist searching for a place to truly be theirself. It can seem plastic, harsh, and glamorous from the outside, and it is. But it is also full of art and dreams and the immesurable beauty of human hope.
We haven’t left because this is our home, and partially because my husband and I both have had a horrible cold all week. Not only are we exhausted, my asthma is flaring up and I want to stay close to accessible urgent cares and pharmacies. If we had universal healthcare, my proximity to the county I’m insured in wouldn’t matter so much, but alas! That’s not the world we live in. The world we live in is on fire. And we are fine. Fine. Fine.
If you want to watch the fires like an Angeleno, download Watch Duty. The best reporting I’ve seen is from Daniel Swain. The best public official to follow is LA Controller Kenneth Mejia.
If you’re looking to donate money, try well-known local mutual aid resources that will continue their work for the months ahead, like WaterDropLA, KTown For All, LA Public Defenders Union. Pasadena Humane Society is caring for injured pets.
You can also donate to firefighters: LAFD and the Anti-Recidivism Coalition which helps inmate firefighters.
There are millions of GoFundMes, all of which are worthy. I might humbly suggest looking for those who may not have as much help, like this one for disabled residents of a group home.
Thank you for your love.
I'm so thankful for how you can put into words what so many of us are collectively feeling. Love you friend, and glad your family is safe!
Your commentary touched me deeply. I lived in LA in the mid-70’s and even went through a Santa Ana caused wind fire while living in the remote hills between San Fernando Valley and Simi Valley. But it was nothing like what is happening today— like mere oven fire in one’s home compared to this apocalyptic hellstorm. We never had winds like this in January much less during what was then fire season— September to November not all year. You are right on every point and so pray your words reach far and wide and move the movers and shakers to finally do something about climate change. God bless you Andra for your good words and hope you stir up some good trouble with them.